A few months back I was in a heated conversation. I wouldn’t call it a debate. I wouldn’t call it a fight. Simply, it was a conversation, and it was hot! Two humans sharing our hearts that had been storing up some serious thoughts and emotions.
The person I was having the conversation with isn’t so much the topic here…but rather a statement that was made in the middle of a messy moment.
In the go-around of words that seemed a perfectly orchestrated storm of emotions I clenched my fist and leaned in with, “I need you to DIG DEEP!”
With a pause and short hesitation, the response back was..
Let’s be honest, easy and convenient are what we work for. We work hard so life can be easy. A pivot through adversity? Hardly fits the definition of convenient.
So it seems quite fitting to say, pivoting through adversity as a single mom sounds a bit like being thrown into a never-ending nightmare.
And while your pivot may be personal or professional, I would suggest, for the most part, and from personal experience, the percentage who have what it takes to pivot through adversity and bravely step into the uncertainty and inconvenience?
Itty-bitty, my friend. Itty-bitty.
For the sake of this post, let’s assume you’ve already done your homework and made the hard decision to pivot over persevering.
Or perhaps your pivot is part of the perseverance?
Either way, you are the brave single mom who’s got the audacity to grab life by the horns, go rogue, and tackle the big pivot during a crisis of any sort.
I’ve had a few pivoting moments in my life, both personal and professional. One of those occurred just after September 11th. And while I am no expert, I do believe I have a few treasures to share with you.
Through the process of picking the brains of my more brilliant minded friends and rummaging through my own backyard, here are four golden tips to help you plunge into a pivot of your very own.
This is an invitation. A call for those in the wilderness. Trust God’s truth to guide you through.
As the global health and economic pandemic escalates, so are your concerns about your livelihood and ability to survive this crisis at a time when you were already facing catastrophic shifts.
Custody battles, separation, and divorce are unplanned events that can leave your soul parched and your land desolate during what may feel like a season of wilderness in a thirsty desert.
Uncultivated and uncertain places can be scary, especially if you are alone. But God promises that He will comfort you and will turn your wasteland into a garden of joy.
Indeed, the LORD will comfort Zion; He will comfort all her waste places And her wilderness He will make like Eden, And her desert like the garden of the LORD; Joy and gladness will be found in her, Thanksgiving and sound of a melody. ~ Isaiah 51:3, NKJV
Mama, negative feelings around your ability to manage a household through difficult times can disrupt personal thoughts or beliefs about yourself. You may even deem yourself incapable of the discipline that is required to journey the wilderness alone.
Do you desire full restoration and recovery, but doubt if you can get you there safely?
Do you harbor a false perception of self that causes you to abandon God’s truth in exchange for a lie?
God wants you to know that believing self-defeating lies are blocking your progress. It’s time to align your belief system with His comforting truth.
Trusting God’s truth takes time. Are you ready to go deeper?
Enlarge the place of your tent, and let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings; Do not spare; lengthen your cords, and strengthen your stakes. For you shall expand to the right and to the left, and your descendants will inherit the nations, and make the desolate cities inhabited.
Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; neither be disgraced for you will not be put to shame. For you will forget the shame of your youth, and will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name; and your redeemer is the Holy one of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth. For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were refused.” Isaiah 54: 2-6
As a single mom, I’ve landed myself in over fifty thousand dollars of debt. Not once, but twice. Because of these delightful experiences, I’m way too familiar with the lies that kept me paying the price of debt.
And I’ve been wondering lately, if you are too.
Most of us have done it. In some way or another.
Regardless of how warm and cozy we’ve cuddled up to our debt, or how we accumulated it, whether it be during a marriage or divorce, single mom journey, medical bills, through college, or simply trying to keep the lights on during the hustle of life, most of us want it gone.
One of my favorite seasons has finally arrived. That time of year we reflect midway. Another school year completed, what went well, what needs to change and lot’s and lot’s of rest.
Hello summer. Welcome rest.
It’s a time to soak in the accomplishments and relax from the hard work completed. Spend some lecture-free time with the big girl and play more with the little.
Since leaving my previous career and moving into this new place in life, blending a family, sharing my heart online and mentoring single moms, I have been given the flexibility to follow the school year and break when the kids do.
In a sense, regardless of our time off, careers, work schedules, or summer school, there is just something absolutely sweet about summer. The season simply invites us to rest and enjoy the fruit of our hard work.
I encourage you to find the space to do the same. In all the little and big ways you can.
Summer 2007, heading up and over one of the big mountain tops on my way to Vegas for a five-year stretch, I felt the stir of adventure and excitement. The people I would meet, the foods I would eat and the many adventures I would discover.
But that moment of excitement and ponder was hastily interrupted by these words.
To the single mommas in my private Facebook group, The Single Moms Mastery, I recently asked this question, “If your child support ended today, would you make it?”.
If you think you are prepared to engage, I’d like to ask you the same question. Would you be able to pay your bills and provide for your child(ren) without child support?
Based on my personal experience and research, sadly too many single mommas are financially dependent on their monthly child support checks. For many, the amount received isn’t even enough and too much of their precious and limited energy is being invested to get more.
Please trust me when I say, I speak from experience and I understand your why.