A few months back I was in a heated conversation. I wouldn’t call it a debate. I wouldn’t call it a fight. Simply, it was a conversation, and it was hot! Two humans sharing our hearts that had been storing up some serious thoughts and emotions.
The person I was having the conversation with isn’t so much the topic here…but rather a statement that was made in the middle of a messy moment.
In the go-around of words that seemed a perfectly orchestrated storm of emotions I clenched my fist and leaned in with, “I need you to DIG DEEP!”
With a pause and short hesitation, the response back was..
When I was married, I relied heavily on my husband for the direction our lives would take; where we moved, what our lifestyle would be like, the cars we drove, the house we lived in. He was the breadwinner and I was a stay at home mom. I’m the kind of personality that’s pretty content to go with the flow and so I didn’t put up much of a fuss.
Running toward me from the security of her warm bed, those little feet pitter-pattering with a scurried beat of pleading, she begged me to let him in. Her precious heart, broken and frantic. Her need great.
Torn between two worlds, I wanted to gift the request her sweet heart so desperately desired. One hard yes from me would have opened the door. A young family arguably united and for that evening, a little girl happy.
In all honesty, there are a million and one ways to show someone you love them, but a single mom shooting for the stars? She’s going to need practical and powerful ways to be loved. Whether you are a friend, neighbor, family member, church or organization, here are 101 ways you can show a single mom you love her by showing up in her life in some very powerful ways.
Dating and solo motherhood. It’s a wild adventure. Dreaded to some and easily welcomed by others. Honoring the journey, especially after a toxic relationship, will help build the trust you’ll need to carry through for something sweet and deserving.
If you hadn’t noticed, the dating process hasn’t been one I’ve delivered many, if any, conversations on. Not that I don’t have thoughts on it, but rather it can be complex and well, to each their own. It’s kinda like parenting and parenting advice. No one size fits all. I’m also a firm believer of the heart. If that is in good standing, you’ll attract a reflection of who you are.
But just recently, I had a single mom friend pick my brain on the topic. Later, I asked her what she took away from the conversation and she gave me a few ideas. I took the gems and decided to launch them into this post.
Summer 2007, heading up and over one of the big mountain tops on my way to Vegas for a five-year stretch, I felt the stir of adventure and excitement. The people I would meet, the foods I would eat and the many adventures I would discover.
But that moment of excitement and ponder was hastily interrupted by these words.
To the single mommas in my private Facebook group, The Single Moms Mastery, I recently asked this question, “If your child support ended today, would you make it?”.
If you think you are prepared to engage, I’d like to ask you the same question. Would you be able to pay your bills and provide for your child(ren) without child support?
Based on my personal experience and research, sadly too many single mommas are financially dependent on their monthly child support checks. For many, the amount received isn’t even enough and too much of their precious and limited energy is being invested to get more.
Please trust me when I say, I speak from experience and I understand your why.
Can I highjack 2.5 minutes of your day for a motherhood rant? In return, I would love if you could please tell me, this week, what the hell is going on in this land of all things crazy with a slight chance of being smothered in a dollop of love on a random, unexpected day.
In the Land of Motherhood, a dollop of love is even a stretch, my friend. A far stretch on some days and for some mommas.
I’d feel more comfortable with this conversation if I could just take a second and lay this out before we go any further —I am NOT a parenting expert on said topics:
I do not help single mommas teach their littles how to clean up their toys or eat those ugly green vegetables.
Sleep training? Not that either.
Nor can I keep your teen from sneaking out your kitchen window or blasting steamy photos all over Snapchat, Instagram and Twitter like yesterday’s dinner.
You will not see me giving strong advice on how to potty train over the weekend while enjoying your trip to Cancun or groom your seventeen-year-old to Sainthood.
You won’t. It’s what I am not good at. It’s what I have not mastered.