A few months back I was in a heated conversation. I wouldn’t call it a debate. I wouldn’t call it a fight. Simply, it was a conversation, and it was hot! Two humans sharing our hearts that had been storing up some serious thoughts and emotions.
The person I was having the conversation with isn’t so much the topic here…but rather a statement that was made in the middle of a messy moment.
In the go-around of words that seemed a perfectly orchestrated storm of emotions I clenched my fist and leaned in with, “I need you to DIG DEEP!”
With a pause and short hesitation, the response back was..
In all honesty, there are a million and one ways to show someone you love them, but a single mom shooting for the stars? She’s going to need practical and powerful ways to be loved. Whether you are a friend, neighbor, family member, church or organization, here are 101 ways you can show a single mom you love her by showing up in her life in some very powerful ways.
Ten years of being a single mom and I struggled with finances. Big time. One bankruptcy and nearly $100,000 of total debt. Sound familiar, friend? Because I’m not good at keeping secrets and because I don’t want you to struggle for as long as I did, I put together this list.
My top 10 secrets that helped me stay content and press on to get out of debt and stay there. I hope you are able to use a few of these, if not all.
You might dive in and find these five single mom secrets to bridging the gap and building your income not much of a surprise.
You might even dig in here a bit and find yourself disappointed.
These five secrets are secrets because, in a time when more and more are desiring instant results, these old-fashioned gems remain sound and solid.
If you’re a momma who’s solo parenting while trying to build your income, if you’re looking for purpose while trying to making more money to pay the bills and build a life; I’m going to challenge you to consistently put these to the test. Your long-term results will supersede any quick fix, overcome the dread of an unhappy future and beat the odds of poverty.
Prior to plunging in here, let’s be clear on a couple things that qualify me to offer you these five single mom secrets.
To the single mommas in my private Facebook group, The Single Moms Mastery, I recently asked this question, “If your child support ended today, would you make it?”.
If you think you are prepared to engage, I’d like to ask you the same question. Would you be able to pay your bills and provide for your child(ren) without child support?
Based on my personal experience and research, sadly too many single mommas are financially dependent on their monthly child support checks. For many, the amount received isn’t even enough and too much of their precious and limited energy is being invested to get more.
Please trust me when I say, I speak from experience and I understand your why.
“Sometimes, Cassie, in order to fully understand how to give, you have to have received much.” That afternoon, as soon as her words rolled off her tongue and hit my thirsty soul, I knew this carved out sentence would be the beginning of new understanding for me. There are many gifts to receiving.
Because I’ve been abundantly blessed to have been given so much during my single motherhood journey, from finances to favors, to an outpouring of God’s mercy and forgiveness, the words of my friend hit my heart hard. She, too, had been in the same place of great need. Coming all the way from Indonesia, her family was very well taken care of and comfortable in a variety of ways. Upon her arrival to America, life was unfamiliar and incomparable to the life she had known.
Maybe you have experienced this too. The vulnerable place of dependence. A need to receive.
I walked through those doors pretty certain of the outcome. If I had to put money on it, I would’ve bet a win. For me. As I set waiting for the judge to come out to deliver his truth, I wrote this one line, “God, your will be done. Not mine.”
Then our turn came. The request I was asking for would be decided. The peace I was trying to give my daughter would be on the line. And it was in the hands and at the mercy of a Los Angeles County judge.
While on hold for the court’s lunch break, I had hoped while enjoying his pb&j sandwich or milk and cookies, this judge would be hit with the epiphany of truth. I was hoping his stack of cookies would give him the wisdom to ask the right questions and my girl would get an extended break from the emotional rollercoaster that she so desperately needed.
But that wasn’t the case. That wasn’t the case at all.
With a gorgeous desert backdrop and rarely hesitating to shovel some of his savory life tips my way, he leaned back in his patio chair relishing in a favorite cigar.
“It’s how you play your hand.”
At thirty-eight, I enjoyed more than ever hearing my dad’s superpower — wisdom. My dad’s always had a sweet way of pouring into my hungry heart.
I know there is pain that I do not know, nor will I ever know all the pain delivered by this worlds heavy hand. I’m a firm believer we all suffer in deep places of discomfort to a degree that is painfully hard for each of us. The point of which we feel that pain arrives at different seasons and ages for each of us.
It is what we choose to do with the cards dealt us that separates, as they say, the wheat from the chaff.
One of the saddest days for me, as a single mom, was the day my daughter saw her father for who he really is. The day she could no longer lie to her heart. The day she called it for what it was. That was almost 6 years ago. That day, life for us didn’t get any easier. It actually got harder.
Today, I’m speaking to the single moms who are raising their littles with a father who’s been a perpetual heartbreaker to your babies. And you, mom, continue to catch the tears on your shoulders over and over through the years.
I have walked away from too many articles like this one and this one . I’ve come across too many books, like this one and this one. I’ve left one too many front row seats where “professionals” held the mic and delivered the age-old message of the negative impact of “bad mouthing” the other parent. I’ve left those books, articles, and speeches fighting back the shame of my emotions from the truth I have spoken to my daughter through the years about who her father is. Feeling ashamed that I didn’t try hard enough to parent with crazy.
For too many years, I’ve listened and entertained the idea that my child will be eternally damaged by my words of poor expression.
I call total bull shit on this theory and for the record, parenting with crazy doesn’t exist.