Let’s be honest, easy and convenient are what we work for. We work hard so life can be easy. A pivot through adversity? Hardly fits the definition of convenient.
So it seems quite fitting to say, pivoting through adversity as a single mom sounds a bit like being thrown into a never-ending nightmare.
And while your pivot may be personal or professional, I would suggest, for the most part, and from personal experience, the percentage who have what it takes to pivot through adversity and bravely step into the uncertainty and inconvenience?
Itty-bitty, my friend. Itty-bitty.
For the sake of this post, let’s assume you’ve already done your homework and made the hard decision to pivot over persevering.
Or perhaps your pivot is part of the perseverance?
Either way, you are the brave single mom who’s got the audacity to grab life by the horns, go rogue, and tackle the big pivot during a crisis of any sort.
I’ve had a few pivoting moments in my life, both personal and professional. One of those occurred just after September 11th. And while I am no expert, I do believe I have a few treasures to share with you.
Through the process of picking the brains of my more brilliant minded friends and rummaging through my own backyard, here are four golden tips to help you plunge into a pivot of your very own.
This is an invitation. A call for those in the wilderness. Trust God’s truth to guide you through.
As the global health and economic pandemic escalates, so are your concerns about your livelihood and ability to survive this crisis at a time when you were already facing catastrophic shifts.
Custody battles, separation, and divorce are unplanned events that can leave your soul parched and your land desolate during what may feel like a season of wilderness in a thirsty desert.
Uncultivated and uncertain places can be scary, especially if you are alone. But God promises that He will comfort you and will turn your wasteland into a garden of joy.
Indeed, the LORD will comfort Zion; He will comfort all her waste places And her wilderness He will make like Eden, And her desert like the garden of the LORD; Joy and gladness will be found in her, Thanksgiving and sound of a melody. ~ Isaiah 51:3, NKJV
Mama, negative feelings around your ability to manage a household through difficult times can disrupt personal thoughts or beliefs about yourself. You may even deem yourself incapable of the discipline that is required to journey the wilderness alone.
Do you desire full restoration and recovery, but doubt if you can get you there safely?
Do you harbor a false perception of self that causes you to abandon God’s truth in exchange for a lie?
God wants you to know that believing self-defeating lies are blocking your progress. It’s time to align your belief system with His comforting truth.
Trusting God’s truth takes time. Are you ready to go deeper?
Enlarge the place of your tent, and let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings; Do not spare; lengthen your cords, and strengthen your stakes. For you shall expand to the right and to the left, and your descendants will inherit the nations, and make the desolate cities inhabited.
Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; neither be disgraced for you will not be put to shame. For you will forget the shame of your youth, and will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name; and your redeemer is the Holy one of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth. For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were refused.” Isaiah 54: 2-6
When I was married, I relied heavily on my husband for the direction our lives would take; where we moved, what our lifestyle would be like, the cars we drove, the house we lived in. He was the breadwinner and I was a stay at home mom. I’m the kind of personality that’s pretty content to go with the flow and so I didn’t put up much of a fuss.
Do you believe God is the conductor of your soul? A conductor who can help you play the greatest symphony pieces within? The word symphony comes from an ancient Greek word that means “a sounding together.” When you find your rhythms, you start to play a harmony that is pleasing to your soul.
You don’t have to overload yourself with difficult goals or resolutions. You just need your mind, body and the Spirit of the Lord within. Feeling tired, overwhelmed, anxious, angry, depressed are all signs your body is screaming for help, mama.
Each season brings new rhythms. It’s taken many years and hard work for me to find freedom from addiction, unhealthy mindsets, abuse, fear, unforgiveness, pride, depression, anxiety, and anger.
And trust me, Jesus is still doing a mighty work in me!
But how do we get out of Sync from our natural, healthy rhythms?
Running toward me from the security of her warm bed, those little feet pitter-pattering with a scurried beat of pleading, she begged me to let him in. Her precious heart, broken and frantic. Her need great.
Torn between two worlds, I wanted to gift the request her sweet heart so desperately desired. One hard yes from me would have opened the door. A young family arguably united and for that evening, a little girl happy.
I set on the foot of the bed, holding my littlest one in one arm and wiping the tears streaming down my face with the other. I set there with little desire to move from the comfort of my bedroom.
It was just passed 8 a.m. and my husband stood in the doorway. His blank face showed zero ability to decide on his next steps as he faced a busy workday and great need for me to pull it together.
Backed into a self-inflicted corner, with a to-do list I clung to, I could barely breathe.
A moment, drenched in overwhelm, had forced its way into our home.
For both of us, the word overwhelm came nothing close to an explanation of the emotional chaos we felt that morning.
They had gone flat out ignored or unattended.
But this day, arriving with an early morning southern California breeze, pushed its way onto the scene. In all my exasperation, my usual ability to drive myself forward had reached, in all seriousness, an all-time low.
Confused and starring at the floor as if it were a road leading the way, I was officially stuck.
This is my most recent overwhelm story and the one I want to connect with you on.
When we were little it seemed summer fun just landed on our laps, with zero effort at all. The school bell rang on that hot afternoon and we knew adventure awaited us even it was merely expressed by the slip n slide in your backyard, a fast melting popsicle on a stick and a late evening ice cream run after dinner from the creepy van that wondered around selling overpriced ice cream to neighboring kids.
And that was OK. That was all we needed.
That and a little bit of mischief kept me in good trouble throughout the summer. But now, in the world of responsibilities and adulting, it doesn’t seem to land on our lap as easily as those many years ago. If we’re lucky enough, we get a vacation.
For many single moms a staycation at best!
Summers were most often a struggle for me as a single mom. I was either gearing up to send my girl off to an unstable environment where I would soothe her innocent heart through many nights until she was home safely. Or, during the time I had her, I was working full time and trying to help her feel as if all my paychecks weren’t going to bills.
In making my best effort, our staycations would consist of simple things. Her favorites. Frozen yogurt. Often. The local pizza place. Frequently. And as many playdates and slumber parties as I could handle. But the guilt was heavy and the summer working hours were long.
So, my friend, as summer settles in I think of your heart.