Honoring the Journey of Dating

Building Trust After a Toxic Relationship

Dating and solo motherhood. It’s a wild adventure. Dreaded to some and easily welcomed by others. Honoring the journey, especially after a toxic relationship, will help build the trust you’ll need to carry through for something sweet and deserving.

If you hadn’t noticed, the dating process hasn’t been one I’ve delivered many, if any, conversations on. Not that I don’t have thoughts on it, but rather it can be complex and well, to each their own. It’s kinda like parenting and parenting advice. No one size fits all. I’m also a firm believer of the heart. If that is in good standing, you’ll attract a reflection of who you are.

But just recently, I had a single mom friend pick my brain on the topic. Later, I asked her what she took away from the conversation and she gave me a few ideas. I took the gems and decided to launch them into this post.

Here are a few deposits to help you honor the journey of dating while building trust in yourself and the process.

Challenge Yourself.
Looking back on my previous relationships I began to dig into what I did well and I what I didn’t. Challenge yourself to reach beyond the comfort zone of your current limitations. Find a way to deliver those hard conversations. Challenge yourself in tough places.

Raising the bar should be expected. We’re going for better. Not settling for mediocre. We’ve already had that and worse.

Take Things to God First and Foremost.
Let God lead you. Regardless of how great the guy is, no one should be expected to carry all your burdens. Not even you. About a year or so into dating my husband – boyfriend at the time- I remember being super disappointed after taking my heart to him.

Let’s just say his response was so unwelcomed. As it rang loud in my ears, I fumed through an internal dialogue building a case to justify my irritation.

To this day, I can’t forget the response that redirected my logic, Bring our heart to Me first.

I knew immediately what was meant by that. I was at the start of an extremely dangerous habit, replacing a boyfriend with the relationship and trust I had built with God over the last several years.

Trust the Process of Practice.
I’m thinking they can’t all be “the one”. Regardless of their role in your life, play it out as practice. Practicing your voice, setting boundaries, removing people from your life or being vulnerable and letting them in. During the process take notes. If you find yourself continuously getting twisted in your emotions, learn what it means to dig deep and get the help you need.

Lastly, keep your home sacred. Keep the sweet peace you have created within the space of your home. This should be non-negotiable. Always.

 

*Food for thought: have you reflected on your strengths and weakness in your relationships? What does it look like for you to challenge yourself, and what would you need to do in order to trust yourself in the process?