August 16, 2017

Four Fancy Schmancy Tips to Help Deliver Your Boundary and Draw That Line in the Sand

I can talk about boundaries all day. It’s a place I geek out.

We can talk about how, when applied, these little boogers are life-changing or how difficult they are to identify. But one thing is certain, situations will always occur, and there’s a sudden pressing demand to voice one.

As uncomfortable as drawing that line in the sand can be for some, it is key to sanctioning a protective barrier between you and the other party.

Regardless of the topic being addressed is a professional or personal matter, the ability to voice your line is fundamental to your growth.

I swear to all goodness in the world..

The second I feel confident in this area of my life, opportunity strikes, and I am once again humbled on the topic. Leaving me confidently assured that regardless of how comfortable I’ve become in life and the boundaries I’ve already established in previous relationships — crazy CAN always occur.

This opportunity usually creates an anxiousness that digs so deep into my inner core I think it’s become part of my DNA.

I begin to have breakfast and lunch with it and then settle into a good night’s sleep to suddenly realize anxiousness and fear don’t snuggle up well with a warm glass of comfort. Wide awake, I lay there, grappling for sleep to arrive and rest to take over. By days two and three I start to get wise and decide there is NO room for these emotional wheels to keep spinning. How often have we succeeded at walking in both fear and peace?

Are you feeling me?

I don’t know about you, but I refuse to sit in this place for long.

Fighting for something someone has taken from you is a battle, but I don’t lie when I say – you are worth EVERY bit of the fight! ❤️

What do I do when I find myself walking in fear and controlled by another person’s tactics, life choices, or risky behavior? And what can I offer you?

I can’t speak for you, but for me, it takes a bit to recognize I’ve entered into a serious, or mild, state of mental and emotional paralysis. Sponsored by fear itself.

Our minds are a crazy landmine waiting to launch some pretty gnarly thoughts. So be sensitive to the variety of emotions moving around and inside that precious space called you.  Once you’ve identified a need for a boundary (and that’s not always easy) to be drawn out and established in a relationship, your next move is to simply— VOICE IT.

If this is easy for you, yippee-kai-yo-kai-yay!!! If it’s not so simple for you, I understand. I really, really do.

So much so, that I sat down to write out four tips to bringing out your voice and helping you speak your truth:

  1. Ask yourself what you’re struggling with in voicing the boundary. Are you afraid? If so, what of? Are you able to eliminate the fear? Re-write the fear? Or is the fear real and viable? Write these fears down and rewrite the new truth. Bible verses help me a lot with this.
  2. Talk it out with a trusted friend, therapist, mentor or coach. This is especially good if you are stuck on creating a new truth and identifying a plan.
  3. Weigh out the pros and cons (what if you don’t do anything about this/what if you do ….kinda thing) and take hold of the cons. If they are healthy, they are probably all about protecting your heart and your space and/or your children’s.
  4. NEVER offer up the negotiation of your heart. Never sacrifice the cost of losing you and always work hard at being intentional to gain it back if someone has hijacked your peace or you trustingly handed it over.

And lastly, my friend, it’s my hope that this short guide transitions you one step further into a space that provides you room to breathe, grow and be healthy. As women, especially brave ones attempting to stretch beyond our comfort zone, there can often be a deep need to cultivate our inner voice in a way that speaks the truth of our hearts. Let’s be honest, it’s worth saying that it’s hard to deliver something when we are still struggling with it ourselves.

Therefore, never be afraid to create a safe place to sit in your emotions.

They are preparing you for your next move. Recognize when you’ve been there long enough and be your own advocate to take the next step out of the emotion and into action.

Voicing a boundary is great, but delivering it with soul, conviction, and ease is an art.

Question for reflection: Disappointment, rejection, and failure are all very real to us. What are some of the thoughts and feelings that prevent you from creating clear boundaries AND who in your life are you currently delaying drawing that line in the sand with?

-Cassie

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