Boundaries. For some this concept is simple. Easy. A no brainer. They whip these things out like CHUDAN ZUKI — a wild karate chop delivered straight to their opponents gut. You’re welcome.
For others? It’s a disaster. An emotional debacle in it’s purest form.
I fall into the later category. Depending on the season I am in, the idea of setting boundaries can make my skin crawl. I am by nature the co-dependent, emotional nurturer to the state of depleted and broken. As a busy single mom with too much on my plate, the word made my head spin with one thousand three hundred and forty-two excuses.
But once I typed that seven letter word into Google and began to process the little fella, it all started to make sense. Now, six years later, I have become nearly dependent on them. They keep me safe. They keep my home in order by providing structure, guidelines, and expectations. When things get out of control around these parts I can usually track it back to slacking off on not carrying through with the boundaries I have already established.
Because starting something new and unfamiliar can be overwhelming, especially when you are inundated with so much as a single mom, I thought it would be nice to walk you through a few of the benefits you can expect to see as a result of putting a few simple boundaries in place.
Benefits that will give you more freedom and control over the mess you might currently be dealing with.
Create More Leverage in Your Home. Let’s just get right down to it. There is not enough of you, single momma, to go around. When you have clearly identified the problem areas in your household and begin to implement the boundaries and consequences that will enforce order and organization within your home you will create amazing leverage. Saving you time, stress and guilt.
Gain Peace in Those Out of Control Relationships. Faulty relationships come in all sorts of different shapes and sizes. I think the best relationship besides friendships and co-workers that boundaries helped me in was the relationship with my daughter’s father. When I began to put my emotions in check and create the boundaries desperately needed I was free from the control and manipulation. Some people are masters at the art of manipulating. Don’t get sucked into the cycle. Create a boundary. Draw the line.
Establish a Voice that Creates Change. I am always telling my daughter, “Let’s move forward.” I don’t mind struggling in some things but to continue the same struggle over and over? Let’s move on. This is what setting healthy boundaries will do for you. They will allow you to grow and move forward. It will give you the strength to use your voice by identifying the need and setting a plan in place that creates the change you need. For you. So you can be…. a better mom.
The hard part of setting boundaries?
Identifying where you need specific improvement and following through can be the most challenging part of setting boundaries. People can be intimidating. Pinpointing those all too comfortable learned behaviors can be challenging. And putting a plan in place can not only be exhausting, but overwhelming and frustrating.
But please don’t let this discourage you, my friend. Anything worth gaining peace and creating positive change is well worth it. Take your time. Get a plan in place with the resources you need. It will be worth the time and investment in the long run. I promise.
Take away: 1) What part of setting boundaries stresses you out? 2) Where could you benefit from setting one or a few?
Please share. I would love to hear!