A few months back I was in a heated conversation. I wouldn’t call it a debate. I wouldn’t call it a fight. Simply, it was a conversation, and it was hot! Two humans sharing our hearts that had been storing up some serious thoughts and emotions.
The person I was having the conversation with isn’t so much the topic here…but rather a statement that was made in the middle of a messy moment.
In the go-around of words that seemed a perfectly orchestrated storm of emotions I clenched my fist and leaned in with, “I need you to DIG DEEP!”
With a pause and short hesitation, the response back was..
Let’s be honest, easy and convenient are what we work for. We work hard so life can be easy. A pivot through adversity? Hardly fits the definition of convenient.
So it seems quite fitting to say, pivoting through adversity as a single mom sounds a bit like being thrown into a never-ending nightmare.
And while your pivot may be personal or professional, I would suggest, for the most part, and from personal experience, the percentage who have what it takes to pivot through adversity and bravely step into the uncertainty and inconvenience?
Itty-bitty, my friend. Itty-bitty.
For the sake of this post, let’s assume you’ve already done your homework and made the hard decision to pivot over persevering.
Or perhaps your pivot is part of the perseverance?
Either way, you are the brave single mom who’s got the audacity to grab life by the horns, go rogue, and tackle the big pivot during a crisis of any sort.
I’ve had a few pivoting moments in my life, both personal and professional. One of those occurred just after September 11th. And while I am no expert, I do believe I have a few treasures to share with you.
Through the process of picking the brains of my more brilliant minded friends and rummaging through my own backyard, here are four golden tips to help you plunge into a pivot of your very own.
This is an invitation. A call for those in the wilderness. Trust God’s truth to guide you through.
As the global health and economic pandemic escalates, so are your concerns about your livelihood and ability to survive this crisis at a time when you were already facing catastrophic shifts.
Custody battles, separation, and divorce are unplanned events that can leave your soul parched and your land desolate during what may feel like a season of wilderness in a thirsty desert.
Uncultivated and uncertain places can be scary, especially if you are alone. But God promises that He will comfort you and will turn your wasteland into a garden of joy.
Indeed, the LORD will comfort Zion; He will comfort all her waste places And her wilderness He will make like Eden, And her desert like the garden of the LORD; Joy and gladness will be found in her, Thanksgiving and sound of a melody. ~ Isaiah 51:3, NKJV
Mama, negative feelings around your ability to manage a household through difficult times can disrupt personal thoughts or beliefs about yourself. You may even deem yourself incapable of the discipline that is required to journey the wilderness alone.
Do you desire full restoration and recovery, but doubt if you can get you there safely?
Do you harbor a false perception of self that causes you to abandon God’s truth in exchange for a lie?
God wants you to know that believing self-defeating lies are blocking your progress. It’s time to align your belief system with His comforting truth.
Trusting God’s truth takes time. Are you ready to go deeper?
Enlarge the place of your tent, and let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings; Do not spare; lengthen your cords, and strengthen your stakes. For you shall expand to the right and to the left, and your descendants will inherit the nations, and make the desolate cities inhabited.
Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; neither be disgraced for you will not be put to shame. For you will forget the shame of your youth, and will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name; and your redeemer is the Holy one of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth. For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were refused.” Isaiah 54: 2-6
When I was married, I relied heavily on my husband for the direction our lives would take; where we moved, what our lifestyle would be like, the cars we drove, the house we lived in. He was the breadwinner and I was a stay at home mom. I’m the kind of personality that’s pretty content to go with the flow and so I didn’t put up much of a fuss.
Do you believe God is the conductor of your soul? A conductor who can help you play the greatest symphony pieces within? The word symphony comes from an ancient Greek word that means “a sounding together.” When you find your rhythms, you start to play a harmony that is pleasing to your soul.
You don’t have to overload yourself with difficult goals or resolutions. You just need your mind, body and the Spirit of the Lord within. Feeling tired, overwhelmed, anxious, angry, depressed are all signs your body is screaming for help, mama.
Each season brings new rhythms. It’s taken many years and hard work for me to find freedom from addiction, unhealthy mindsets, abuse, fear, unforgiveness, pride, depression, anxiety, and anger.
And trust me, Jesus is still doing a mighty work in me!
But how do we get out of Sync from our natural, healthy rhythms?
Running toward me from the security of her warm bed, those little feet pitter-pattering with a scurried beat of pleading, she begged me to let him in. Her precious heart, broken and frantic. Her need great.
Torn between two worlds, I wanted to gift the request her sweet heart so desperately desired. One hard yes from me would have opened the door. A young family arguably united and for that evening, a little girl happy.
I set on the foot of the bed, holding my littlest one in one arm and wiping the tears streaming down my face with the other. I set there with little desire to move from the comfort of my bedroom.
It was just passed 8 a.m. and my husband stood in the doorway. His blank face showed zero ability to decide on his next steps as he faced a busy workday and great need for me to pull it together.
Backed into a self-inflicted corner, with a to-do list I clung to, I could barely breathe.
A moment, drenched in overwhelm, had forced its way into our home.
For both of us, the word overwhelm came nothing close to an explanation of the emotional chaos we felt that morning.
They had gone flat out ignored or unattended.
But this day, arriving with an early morning southern California breeze, pushed its way onto the scene. In all my exasperation, my usual ability to drive myself forward had reached, in all seriousness, an all-time low.
Confused and starring at the floor as if it were a road leading the way, I was officially stuck.
This is my most recent overwhelm story and the one I want to connect with you on.
When we were little it seemed summer fun just landed on our laps, with zero effort at all. The school bell rang on that hot afternoon and we knew adventure awaited us even it was merely expressed by the slip n slide in your backyard, a fast melting popsicle on a stick and a late evening ice cream run after dinner from the creepy van that wondered around selling overpriced ice cream to neighboring kids.
And that was OK. That was all we needed.
That and a little bit of mischief kept me in good trouble throughout the summer. But now, in the world of responsibilities and adulting, it doesn’t seem to land on our lap as easily as those many years ago. If we’re lucky enough, we get a vacation.
For many single moms a staycation at best!
Summers were most often a struggle for me as a single mom. I was either gearing up to send my girl off to an unstable environment where I would soothe her innocent heart through many nights until she was home safely. Or, during the time I had her, I was working full time and trying to help her feel as if all my paychecks weren’t going to bills.
In making my best effort, our staycations would consist of simple things. Her favorites. Frozen yogurt. Often. The local pizza place. Frequently. And as many playdates and slumber parties as I could handle. But the guilt was heavy and the summer working hours were long.
So, my friend, as summer settles in I think of your heart.
One of, if not, THE biggest stressor in my single motherhood journey was the idea of figuring out who I wanted to be when I grow up. I was working at a local sandwich shop making less than five dollars an hour when I first learned I would be expecting a bundle of bouncing joy in the fall. I knew then that who I wanted to be was coming much sooner than later and I needed to do some serious thinking — fast!
But the big questions of what career I should choose as a single mom kept looming…
What was I going to do? What was I most interested in? What would pay enough to get me off the revolving door of government assistance and on my feet for good? Not to forget about child care, insurance, and 401K plans.
Does all of this sound familiar to you?
Have you been wondering what you want to be when you grow up? Do you have a job but need a career and thinking about going back to school? Maybe you are planning to grow your income and afraid of relying too long on child support. Or maybe you are like me and know that depending on child support simply isn’t an option.
Whatever your reasons for needing to step your game up and bring in the cash to support your little(s) like the big Boss Lady you are, I went on the hunt and dug up these top five articles just for you! So that you can read what the online experts have to say about single moms and the career options that may suit your needs best.
In all honesty, there are a million and one ways to show someone you love them, but a single mom shooting for the stars? She’s going to need practical and powerful ways to be loved. Whether you are a friend, neighbor, family member, church or organization, here are 101 ways you can show a single mom you love her by showing up in her life in some very powerful ways.
Ten years of being a single mom and I struggled with finances. Big time. One bankruptcy and nearly $100,000 of total debt. Sound familiar, friend? Because I’m not good at keeping secrets and because I don’t want you to struggle for as long as I did, I put together this list.
My top 10 secrets that helped me stay content and press on to get out of debt and stay there. I hope you are able to use a few of these, if not all.
As a single mom, I’ve landed myself in over fifty thousand dollars of debt. Not once, but twice. Because of these delightful experiences, I’m way too familiar with the lies that kept me paying the price of debt.
And I’ve been wondering lately, if you are too.
Most of us have done it. In some way or another.
Regardless of how warm and cozy we’ve cuddled up to our debt, or how we accumulated it, whether it be during a marriage or divorce, single mom journey, medical bills, through college, or simply trying to keep the lights on during the hustle of life, most of us want it gone.
You may find it’s been a little quiet around here for a bit. Summer had me resting, resting right into a due date of a baby girl!
A new baby is a sweet, sweet thing.
I am thankful for a husband who supports me in supporting you and 100% behind me being able to stay home and do what I love — serving single mommas. This is a gift to me that I have been able to share with you.
It also allows me the flexibility to take the time needed with my family.
So, as I step away to enjoy this baby phase, please take the time to catch up on any reads on the blog you may have missed.
I am taking applications to add two additional clients when I come back. If you are curious about working with me and want to learn more, click here.
You can also get support from our free Facebook Group, The Single Moms Mastery. I will be in and out of the group and I have some great admins there to support you. This is a small community of single moms. Supporting one another.
Before I wrap this up, I would love to hear from you.
I want you to know your story is important to me. Your journey a delight!
How can I serve you better? If it’s not working one of one with you, what do you need? What hot topics are you currently looking to grow in?
Please consider taking a few minutes to share your thoughts by clicking here.
One of my favorite seasons has finally arrived. That time of year we reflect midway. Another school year completed, what went well, what needs to change and lot’s and lot’s of rest.
Hello summer. Welcome rest.
It’s a time to soak in the accomplishments and relax from the hard work completed. Spend some lecture-free time with the big girl and play more with the little.
Since leaving my previous career and moving into this new place in life, blending a family, sharing my heart online and mentoring single moms, I have been given the flexibility to follow the school year and break when the kids do.
In a sense, regardless of our time off, careers, work schedules, or summer school, there is just something absolutely sweet about summer. The season simply invites us to rest and enjoy the fruit of our hard work.
I encourage you to find the space to do the same. In all the little and big ways you can.
Dating and solo motherhood. It’s a wild adventure. Dreaded to some and easily welcomed by others. Honoring the journey, especially after a toxic relationship, will help build the trust you’ll need to carry through for something sweet and deserving.
If you hadn’t noticed, the dating process hasn’t been one I’ve delivered many, if any, conversations on. Not that I don’t have thoughts on it, but rather it can be complex and well, to each their own. It’s kinda like parenting and parenting advice. No one size fits all. I’m also a firm believer of the heart. If that is in good standing, you’ll attract a reflection of who you are.
But just recently, I had a single mom friend pick my brain on the topic. Later, I asked her what she took away from the conversation and she gave me a few ideas. I took the gems and decided to launch them into this post.
Summer 2007, heading up and over one of the big mountain tops on my way to Vegas for a five-year stretch, I felt the stir of adventure and excitement. The people I would meet, the foods I would eat and the many adventures I would discover.
But that moment of excitement and ponder was hastily interrupted by these words.
You might dive in and find these five single mom secrets to bridging the gap and building your income not much of a surprise.
You might even dig in here a bit and find yourself disappointed.
These five secrets are secrets because, in a time when more and more are desiring instant results, these old-fashioned gems remain sound and solid.
If you’re a momma who’s solo parenting while trying to build your income, if you’re looking for purpose while trying to making more money to pay the bills and build a life; I’m going to challenge you to consistently put these to the test. Your long-term results will supersede any quick fix, overcome the dread of an unhappy future and beat the odds of poverty.
Prior to plunging in here, let’s be clear on a couple things that qualify me to offer you these five single mom secrets.