We all have a distinct path that journeyed us down the worn out road where many have paved the way and never-the-less, we arrived at the same title. Single motherhood. This title, worn as a badge of honor, knows not your income, your social status, your faith background, your ethnicity or the desires of your heart.
Yes, at times, this cold world knows no discrimination to who journeys down its broadening stretch.
Regardless of your life’s preparations or how hard you have worked to check off all the “right ” boxes, life takes its course.
On my heart this week has been the woman facing doing life on her own, at home and in this crazy big world, with her babies. Maybe this momma desires so much to share her world and her family with her spouse or partner. Maybe the relationship has become so life-shattering unhealthy that this courageous woman has no other option but to protect her littles under her care. Or, heaven forbid, this momma lost her spouse or partner in a tragic loss of life. Death or divorce, both forever alter the lives of each of these families.
Until a fresh breath of life is birthed, and a new pattern emerges into their days, weeks and eventually years.
The most disheartening part of writing this blog post is the inability to sit face to face and be a voice of reason. In this post, I’m not able to help you work out those intimate details like filling up your bank account, which attorney to hire, which side of town to move to, getting the kids back and forth as you figure out a new routine that suits a new schedule, college or work or both, and the like.
I do pray, as I write the following, that hope is poured straight into your heart in massive amounts.
I can tell you that these seemingly huge decisions I just mentioned are the easiest part of all this. The hard part is juggling all those decisions while going through the emotions of loss and grappling the idea of a new identity.
The loss of the compromisingly comfortable space. The marriage you may or may not have exhaustingly worked hard to save. The familiarity of someone doing life with you. Then, in the middle of all this, to only learn there are absolutely no perfect words capable of reaching deep into the core of your family to comfort them in this new world they sit in.
While this world may be screaming eighteen thousand spoken words of resolution for all you are going through, I want to give you permission to — just be.
In all the ways the world wants to tell you to do something, I want to tell you to do nothing.
Sit right here in this space of utter mess. With all the emotions of uncertainty. Don’t reach for a half-assed fix and definitely don’t reach for perfection. Do not hurry to find a solution to your aching heart. Do not seek to heal your children’s every altered emotion.
Just sit. And sit some more.
In the comings and goings of life’s busy schedules and routines, I’m asking you to spiritually and ever so quietly sit in this space that has been created for such a time as this.
It is not “what if”. It is not, “well if he had”. It is not, “well if we would”….it simply is.
And I am asking you to just sit there.
There will be plenty of time for everything else. Plenty of exhausting days. Do not tire yourself even further by pouring an onslaught of shame, guilt, and fear over your already heavy mind.
Instead, while you sit there listening and doing nothing, slowly begin to create the idea of rewriting the message that lies within your heart. Take note that every question you have, every problem you feel you need a solution for will be answered. In time.
You, sweet friend, have everything you need to get you through and rise ever so slightly high above where you currently sit. Trust this time. Trust this process.
Question: What weighs you down the most as you face this new journey of doing life as a single mother?